It's been almost a week since I began to properly acknowledge my mother's illness. I've been using over the counter sleeping pills to get any sleep since natural rest is impossible. I'm still speaking to my "boyfriend," but I don't know where we stand. We had other issues before all of this began. I finally confronted him about these issues last Monday after finding a suspicious email from another girl in his inbox. I believe he didn't physically cheat on me, but it hurt that we was willing to spend his precious time with someone else.
It made me start thinking a lot about my own life mainly because I realized that we haven't had a chance at a real relationship while I've been living with my mom. As long as she was always that main responsibility that I ignored, there was no way he and I were even going to begin a real relationship.
At his core, he's not the most supportive human being, but it's a lot to ask of the best man to help me get through this stuff with her.
So anyway, every morning that I wake up this rushes through my mind. I think about all of the relationships I've missed out on because of her. I think about everything that's delayed because of her. I think about how much needs to happen to improve my world, and I just want to crawl back under the covers and hide.
But I don't. I'm not sure how I'm functioning right now. Pretty much everything I look forward to right now involves sleeping.
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