As I wait for all of the therapists I called to get back to me, I have to focus on some short term methods to stay calm and not lose my temper on my mother anymore. It's incredibly difficult when someone is screaming at you constantly to calm down, but I realize that getting her riled is only making my life harder in the mean time.
As much as I want to yell and scream and pull my hair out when she goes on one of her rants, I have to remember that it's not a rant, it's a manic episode, and it's better for me not to get screamed at.
Tonight I think I'm too weak to go to the gym, but I can certainly walk home and listen to music and just chill out, and when I get home, I can lock myself in my room and plug in my radio.
I think it will be really therapeutic for me to go through my closet and start separating things that I want to donate to charity and my old junk that I will try and sell on craigslist. It's a first step.
Meanwhile, my friend is going out of town for a week next week, and she has very graciously agreed to let me stay in her apartment while I'm gone.
I'm going to watch what I eat and avoid caffeine and alcohol. Both only serve to make me more stressed out.
I must stay calm. As of now it is imperative that I don't flip out which is more difficult than I can ever convey in words.
I can't believe that the people I work with probably have no idea how upset I am. I'm that good at faking it.
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